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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29428314">i keep dreaming (i'm wasted on you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/3minswriting/pseuds/3minswriting'>3minswriting</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NU'EST</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, broken!jbaek, mentions of mingi and minhyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:33:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,295</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29428314</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/3minswriting/pseuds/3minswriting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonghyun doesn't like getting drunk. It happens on occasion, when he's not careful enough and the summer days are long and hot, that only a few beers will chase the edge off the humidity. He's not a bad-tempered drunk like Minhyun, over-affectionate like Dongho, or louder than normal like Mingi. </p><p>Jonghyun is more like Aron when he's wasted:</p><p>he just wants to be alone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kang Dongho | Baekho/Kim Jonghyun | JR, Kim Jonghyun | JR/Aaron Kwak | Aron</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i keep dreaming (i'm wasted on you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/minhyunbin/gifts">jronekis2 (minhyunbin)</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>well</p><p>ngl this is not the next jbaekron i thought i'd write</p><p>but sometimes you gotta risk it all for that precious drop of rain ;;</p><p>for you, my dear lovely. idk if i did your boys justice, but i tried my best.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>-</p><p> </p><p>He doesn't like getting drunk. It happens on occasion, when he's not careful enough and the summer days are long and hot, that only a few beers will chase the edge off the humidity. He's not a bad-tempered drunk like Minhyun, over-affectionate like Dongho, or louder than normal like Mingi. </p><p> </p><p>Jonghyun is more like Aron when he's wasted:</p><p> </p><p>he just wants to be alone.</p><p> </p><p>That's all well and good when he's in his apartment because it's been ages since he's had any roommates. He can turn on the TV to make some noise, boot up his laptop and down some cold beers while he smashes through Overwatch matches, laughing when his teammates curse him out for not being able to tank properly, <em>'don't you even know how to shoot scrub wtf'</em> and purposefully suicides at the end since they've lost anyway and his team are a bag of dicks. Take another can out of the fridge, relax his shoulders at the satisfying clack of the aluminium separating and another icy swig down his throat.</p><p> </p><p>Drunken nights alone in his apartment are no big deal. Jonghyun lets loose, is quiet as he wants, stirs randoms in a virtual world that means nothing but is a good time-waster, and enjoys his evening in a fuzzy warmth that sends him to sleep easily and wake with only the mild taste of bile in the back of his throat. </p><p> </p><p>Drunken nights in his apartment when he's not alone are a different story.</p><p> </p><p>When Minhyun comes over, it's awkwardly watching dramas until the other falls asleep and he can sneak off to his bedroom to play games.</p><p> </p><p>When Mingi comes over, it's loud music, loud conversation, and someone always ends up crying on someone's shoulder (and it's always the same conversation, the same tears, the same frustrations that Mingi consoles him through until he finally tells Jonghyun to go to bed and remember this in the morning so he has the conviction to change his life around). Jonghyun wakes up the next day with a damp pillow, hoarse voice, and continues living like he's always done.</p><p> </p><p>Dongho's visits are comfortable, if not a little heavy when the other cuddles up to him and insists on ordering in too many meals so Jonghyun's fridge is crammed with leftovers (it's pretty empty, Dongho always complains, worries, but Jonghyun shrugs because there's more space for beer that way, and he doesn't need to eat much).</p><p>They eat, Jonghyun drinks, and he ignores the whines, the touches, the pleading eyes until Dongho gives up and wanders off to entertain himself. Some nights, Jonghyun stays up and alone and it's nice; other times, he follows Dongho into the room and gives him the attention he'd so desperately vyed for. It's those nights that are exhausting, rewarding, but the morning after is always an empty bed that's cold and smells like amber and regret, and Jonghyun's tired of those (tired of watching Dongho give up and wander off to be entertained in Minhyun's embrace the second the sun rises, knowing that the sun isn't him no matter how desperately Jonghyun once wished he was).</p><p>And because he's tired, those nights don't happen anymore.</p><p>They eat, Jonghyun drinks, and if he kisses Dongho goodnight once in a while, well, it doesn't mean what it used to and they all know it. <br/>
  </p><p> </p><p>When Aron comes over, it's peaceful enough. They sing songs badly, they watch movies, imitate memes and sometimes Jonghyun can convince his hyung to watch him play his games. "You're so good, Jonghyunnie," Aron will slur, a hand on Jonghyun's shoulder that sends prickles of warmth over his skin, "you gotta show me how to play." He does, of course, but they end up fumbling, bodies squeezed awkwardly in the single chair and laughing into their beers at how Aron's character spins in circles, "go that way!" "I'm going every way, what are you talkin' about!".</p><p>The next day there's no recollection of anything Jonghyun's taught him, only more laughter as they lay side by side on the bed, Aron telling him how he'll get better at it next time.</p><p>"Wait and see, I'll win a match one day!" Jonghyun will roll onto his side, stare at Aron with wide eyes and the hint of worry on his brow.</p><p>"What, what is it?" Aron asks (like they've never shared a bed, like he's scared Jonghyun's seeing something he shouldn't - but there's no modesty between them, they gave up on those three years ago between beers one and six).</p><p>"Nothing, just, are you still drunk?" Jonghyun peers into Aron's eyes, leans in close enough that he catches alcohol haunting the other's breath despite the frosty mint sweetness trying to keep it hidden. </p><p>"Shut it." Aron breaks into a laugh, the sheer joy of the sound (the pleasure of seeing his grin catching the morning light, the contours of shadow making mountains out of his bare collarbones, the vibrations along the column of his neck that Jonghyun doesn't need to reach out to feel with his fingertips because the sight tickles his own throat, making it difficult to swallow) fills the small room.</p><p>A lopsided smirk drips down his left cheek as Jonghyun tucks his elbow under his head, other hand resting on the sheets.</p><p>Under his palm he feels Aron's laughter shake the bed. When his hyung turns towards him, still smiling, then Jonghyun shifts so his hand feels skin softer than cotton and he tastes mint and alcohol for his next ten breaths (sighs his hyung's name for the ten after, and after, and then it stops being words altogether).</p><p> </p><p>They get up for the day, clean away the beercans, and it's an easy, quiet start before Aron leaves to check on his dogs, and Jonghyun can have the alone time he needs before they meet again at the studio. </p><p> </p><p>He unwinds in those moments, rehearses the face he needs to present to his colleagues and his groupmates in front of the mirror. Tells himself he can't get drunk any more, because Mingi is right and he needs to tell Aron they don't fuck because he's got alcohol in his veins ('it's you, you're in my veins' except fuck he can't say it - not even to the mirror).</p><p> </p><p>Then Jonghyun washes his face and brushes his teeth again, goes to work and bows to all the right people and laughs in all the right places. Sits next to his hyung on the couch while they wait for Dongho to finish recording his lines in the booth, and carefully lets his knee press against Aron's.</p><p> </p><p>Wishes he had a beer for every time Aron moves away, distracted by something Mingi says, or flatters Minhyun, or fusses over Dongho.</p><p> </p><p>But if he did, then Jonghyun would be wasted.</p><p> </p><p>And when Jonghyun's wasted, he wants to be alone.</p><p> </p><p>Because alone, he's not going risk telling Aron he's in love with him and ruin everything that flows so easily between them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
(but Aron is like Jonghyun when he's drunk; he craves love, affection, and the courage to speak what's on his mind, because being alone is hard when you want to be together.</p><p>so he'll take the drinks, he'll take the laughter and the bad games, he'll take the rumpled sheets and the sunny mornings where they pretend they're wasted on anything but each other.</p><p> </p><p>and maybe when they're sober, he'll admit to Jonghyun he's left his dogs with his sister and he's not going home, can't face the empty apartment. He's going for a walk to practice a confession he can't speak of, not until he knows for sure</p><p> </p><p>that the lips that sigh his name will call it without needing a layer of alcohol lingering on his breath.)</p><p><br/>
 </p><p> </p><p>-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>my first jron, pls be gentle and tysm for reading! as always, comments&amp;kudos are greatly appreciated.</p><p>✦<a href="https://twitter.com/3minswriting">fic twitter</a>✦</p></blockquote></div></div>
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